With Love,
by impavid fool
Summary: After Litchfield, Piper plans to start afresh. For something better. Except, this time around, she wants Alex in the picture too. [Alex/Piper]
1. Option

**.**

**.**

**.**

With Love  
><strong>1.<strong>

**.**

**.**

**.**

_Alex,_

_This morning was particularly warm. The sun woke me up, and I felt so snug in bed I didn't want to leave. It made me think of you. When you're stuck in prison, you forget how bright the mornings are. I think I missed them the most, and I'm excited when you get to experience them with me. I think the empty side of the bed is starting to become a problem, but I'm enjoying the extra room while I have it._

_I bought a mattress. A comfy one, just for you. And a toaster. This one actually works. Not the cheap crap you insisted on buying when we were together. It's been two years, but I've finally settled into my new apartment. Or, I guess, settled into __life__. It's not really the same anymore, but I have everything I need now. Well, except one thing: you. Everything will be perfect then. Just right._

_Are you okay? Stupid question, I guess. Hard to answer. I hope you're coping. Only a year left. I'm counting down the days. No, really. Crossing off the days on my calendar. _

_I don't know. It's not the same without you. You might get pissed off at this, but I didn't expect to miss you so much. I'm sorry I haven't visited you recently. My boss is an asswipe. Because I'm new, he gives me all the grunt work. That added to my __actual__ work has turned me into a recluse. I barely get to spend time in the apartment, I'm always out. Working for a second-rate magazine is nothing exotic. I'm considering going back to being a waitress, when I was with you. Might feel more at home that way._

_When I can, I'll visit you. Please, please keep me on your visitation list. I haven't left you. I'm __not__ leaving you. I'll stay, for as long as you'll have me. I've set everything up for your return. I know. How sad, right? In the very little free time I have, I'm either writing sappy letters to you, or decorating the apartment to look nice. I know it's tough in there. I'm sending you as many letters as possible, so you know someone is waiting for you, at least. I've waited two years, and I'll wait another year._

_You always had a purple toothbrush when we were together, so I bought you one. I don't know if you care, but I thought it was important I got you a purple toothbrush. I'm sliding off topic. I think I ruined the letter, but I'm not scribbling all this out and starting again._

_I'll be seeing you soon, but I had a question to ask. You can think about it until I see you, which may be in the next two to three weeks. So you'll have plenty of time. And please __do __think about it, Alex. I know you. At the sound of something scary, you run far, far away. I don't want you running away from this, because it's crucial you make a decision. _

_Does marriage sound like an option to you?_

_Of course we need to see if we will work outside the prison, but there's no harm in deciding while we're apart. I know you don't think your wife-material and, frankly, neither do I, but I want you. I've always wanted you in that way, even if you're the worst girlfriend in the world._

_Think about it. Please._

_With love,_

_Piper_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

When the moment came, she realises how simple her decision is. It's not even a decision. Speechless for days, all Alex could think about was the letter, the proposal and Piper's delicate writing as she lay back in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Alex was never one to daydream. There were many answers, many straightforward, many longwinded. Many awkward, stuttering explanations. Many silly excuses, filled with empty lies. At the end of the day, she's only doing what Piper predicted.

Fleeing.

All she has to do is look at her. Wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and looking normal and right. Alex sits opposite, weighed by her khakis, and she can tell Piper is nervous. She's nervous for a variety of reasons, one of them being the fact she hasn't seen Alex in over a month. But, there's a bigger reason, and Alex can sit here and think through her decision for another hour. That won't be necessary though.

The whole thing fucking terrifies her.

Yet she's learnt that anything with Piper is worth it. Alex hasn't spoken a word ever since she read the letter, too scared for her own good. It doesn't take much, though, and it's so simple.

Easy.

There's only one thing _to_ say.

'Yes.' Alex watches her intently, and a smile reaches her lips at Piper's surprise. 'It sounds like an option.'

**.**

**.**

**.**

**author's note**: A much more light-hearted take on Piper and Alex. This is technically set post-Litchfield, although Alex hasn't been released yet. May or may not continue this story. If you would like to see more, you know the drill.


	2. Notes

**.**

**.**

**.**

With Love  
><strong>2.<strong>

**.**

**.**

**.**

It's her day off, and she spends most of the morning seated on the window ledge, coffee in hand. Rain tumbles to the ground, softly hitting the glass. The warmth of her apartment casts a homely glow within the room, and she feels snug and safe. A notepad –– a diary –– and pen wait beside her, and she has yet to write any notes. Plans and decisions; to expand her imagination and venture towards something she has desired for years. Once, she was this close to getting what she wanted.

Maybe fate –– so fickle and uncertain –– screamed for the engagement to be severed. Maybe she was led back to her –– _just seconds before the ring was on her finger_ –– for a reason. Over a decade, more than thirteen years, and Piper finally has what she wants. _Just_. Of course, she's learnt, she's older and she's mature. She knows her request may not stand. That Alex may change her mind, may walk away _as always_, or, worse, find something better. Alex is and always will be unstable.

This time, it's different. Nothing is rushed. The engagement wasn't asked out of fear. She's been thinking about it for _months_. For _two years_, ever since she was released and had to leave Alex behind. As soon as she was free, out in the open, cold air –– she instantly missed her, and she had to keep her. She had to keep Alex, no matter how much effort it took. Alex had to be Piper's. And Piper had to be Alex's. There's no debate, no argument, it's final and it's been final since the day they met.

She wants that –– coming home to her, making dinner with her, going to bed with her, and waking up with her. All of it. Every moment. She wants what they had, but better. She wants Alex to know what it's like, to live in solace with a lover, to live normally –– whatever that is –– and to grow old together. She wants Alex to come home from a tedious, average, _normal_ job and smile as soon as she enters their home because Piper is there, and everything is how it should be.

The nest Alex seemingly fears. Settling down –– what an alien way to live for her. Alex doesn't enjoy maps and plans and hesitance. She jumps into danger, is hungry for adventure and the shady opportunities that lurk round the corner. She doesn't want marriage, she doesn't want children, she doesn't want the wife who has dinner waiting on the table when she comes home. But, the prison has _distorted_ her. Made its marks. Every inmate who leaves their cell for good always leaves behind a part of them.

Or, maybe, leaves the part that was never them in the first place.

The twelve year old creeps through sometimes. Piper never met the twelve year old Alex, but can imagine what she was like. Little to no self esteem, struggling to manage a system of hierarchy, stuck in the pit where only the poor and peculiar girls were trampled on by wealthy, smart girls. She likes to think if they knew each other then, they might have been friends. Possibly. Stuck on her own pedestal at the age of twelve, Piper wasn't even _aware_ of the discrimination within the grounds.

She likes twelve year old Alex. Timid –– no, _shy_ –– and even a little awkward too. She does funny fidgets with her glasses, or pulling at the sleeve of her top. She does childish habits without realising. The occasional stutter when she suggests something even she isn't so sure about. The absolute _loss_ and _terror_ whenever Piper walks away, the dependency she has on one single individual, the way she looks at her sometimes –– wide eyed, trying hard to mask the fear and nerves rattling through her.

It's all an act. One Piper has managed to break through, but one she has come to love.

The cocky smirk, the upright posture, the mockery, the snarky comments, sarcasm, witty remarks and her confidence –– all an act, but all _her_. Every quality she possesses is all her; nothing is a lie. She is both shy and confident, both independent and dependent. Complex but also so simple. So _normal_. She drives Piper insane, makes her _hate_ her, but she never stops –– _has never stopped _ –– loving her. Deeply and irrationally. A love which apparently cannot die. So, maybe it's about time Piper acted on it, maybe it's about time she acknowledged what they had.

Maybe it's about time Alex did too.

Grabbing her diary, Piper stretches out her legs on the ledge, places her coffee aside and starts writing. She doesn't _just_ write wedding plans; she's too afraid to risk her luck. Instead, she jots down what she needs to buy before Alex returns. What will help Alex feel at home? Maybe brighter curtains perhaps? She thinks about Diane Vause's apartment. White curtains in the bedroom, and Alex used to have blue striped sheets on the bed, a black alarm clock, her desk no doubt cleaned and arranged by her mother in her absence: some pads of used paper, pens in a holder, and books. Lots of books.

Mountains of books.

Piper smiles. She jots down Alex's favourite novels to buy, although a couple she already owns herself. Oh, and Alex's favourite coffee. When they were together, she used to smoke every now and again –– rarely. She wasn't addicted, but she liked the rush when she needed it. Piper remembered trying some, remembered how she choked and instantly thought otherwise. Piper shrugs, decides to buy Alex a packet just in case, but underlines the words as a treat.

What else? Some nice scented candles, perhaps? Alex likes nice smells. They help her sleep. She likes the smell of mint, and possibly vodka too but Piper isn't buying any alcohol. Not yet. Piper glances around the bedroom. Maybe a landscape painting? Alex loves landscapes paintings. Hates portraits. Yes, a landscape painting will do. And Alex needs slippers. It gets very cold in this apartment during the winter. She uses a different shampoo and conditioner to Piper as well –– Piper needs to get that. Eyeliner. Liquid eyeliner, mascara, black nail polish. Piper drums her pen against the diary.

Flowers.

When Alex returns, she'll have flowers waiting for her on the table as she enters. White and blue roses. No, no, that's what you see in a retirement home. Maybe just white roses? Piper chews on her pen. But if she gives her white roses, that's implying marriage, right? And she can't shove that in her face. Alex will freak out. Red roses? So cliché. Forget the roses! Tulips?

Forget the flowers altogether. Piper will figure that out nearer the time.

The rain falls harder. She sips her coffee. Starts to miss her all over again. Awfully. It feels like a huge chunk of her has been removed. A hollow pit in her stomach which only Alex can fill. She feels cold, and shivers, holding herself. She hopes Alex is all right, stuck in that hell. She wants to help her, get her out. All she can do is hope she's okay. If she knows –– remembers –– Piper is waiting for her, and will wait for her until the year is out. It's just one more year.

**.**

**.**

**.**

'You look healthy.'

'That's the sweetest thing you've said to me all year.'

'Really?'

'Really.'

'How's the boss?'

'Fine. Ish. Actually, no, he's not fine. He continues to call me when I'm not on my shift, and I think he's paranoid I'm going to steal something from his office, because whenever I'm in there alone he always has another colleague come in to watch me. Also, he looks at me weird. He just _stares_ at me from across the room, or when we're speaking, there's no _reaction_ from him. He just stares.'

'Want me to kick his ass?'

'Could you? Right now? They should let you out for that.'

'I don't think that'll cut it, kid.'

Silence. Piper's hand nears Alex's, and her finger delicately trails over her knuckles. 'How's prison?'

'Delightful. I never want to leave.'

Piper sighs. Their eyes meet. The mood drops, and Piper regrets asking about prison. What a stupid thing to do. 'You remember when we used to sneak off into the pantry?' Piper can't help but smirk. She feels the tip of Alex's shoe touch hers. 'We would be gone for hours, and nobody had a clue.'

'I think some people caught on, Pipes. You weren't exactly subtle about it.'

'_We_, you mean. It was your idea to avoid each other during the day so no one figured it out. Turns out your subtle, smart plans were not so subtle and smart after all. We might as well have been walking around holding hands.'

'Eurgh,' Alex winces. 'You get that sometimes.'

Piper raises her brows, leans over. 'There are inmates holding hands?'

'Following each other everywhere, too. Pisses me the fuck off. All these kids. I want to punch them in the jaw, then they won't be able to use their mouths for a few months.'

She laughs. 'They're not causing any harm, Alex.'

'I don't need it shoved in my face.'

The smile falls, and Piper realises the issue. Alex is envious. Those "kids" get to be with who they love, even if it is in prison –– they are still with them. Alex doesn't have that luxury. Her closest friend, Nicky, was released a year ago so she's relatively alone. What's worse is that Piper isn't with her. And, every day, she has to suffer public displays of affection from inmates.

They have what she can't have.

'Maybe you should punch them.'

Alex twitches a smile. 'Not worth getting sent to SHU.'

Piper glances at the CO who's busy dealing with a rowdy inmate. She takes this opportunity to grab Alex's hand and squeeze tightly. Piper watches Alex study their hands, and the twelve year old peeks through. She's thinking, worried if this is right, if she should have said "yes". If they will work. She's nervous, and it's okay to be nervous, it's expected, but Piper doesn't want her to have seconds thoughts.

They have ran out of time.

_There_ _is no time to have second thoughts_. 'I'm not trapping you, Al.' She doesn't respond, doesn't move. She disagrees, but she's too afraid to voice it. Piper has that much power over her. And it's awful sometimes. 'We'll pull through this.'

The worst has passed. Only several more months remain.

A brief nod. Alex finally looks at her, shrugs. 'It's not as if I have any other plans.'

Piper's other hand rests on the surface of the table, and she leans across, kissing Alex hard. It's one kiss, but enough to remind her _why_ she's so desperate for Alex to be hers, and why this _will_ work. It _will_ work, because no matter how many times they kiss, touch, bare their souls to reach other –– it's always new. There's always a rush, like a drug, coursing through her and she shudders and trembles and forgets how to breathe and wants more and more.

The CO storms over, whams his fist against the table and Piper instantly retreats.

'No touching,' he warns gruffly, before returning to his original post.

Alex is smiling to herself. 'Bet you missed that.'

Piper isn't sure if she means the kissing or the CO's warning. Her hour is over, and she doesn't want to leave, but Alex convinces her they'll see other again very soon. They manage to steal a hug when the CO has his back turned, and Piper's heart skips a beat when Alex kisses her cheek. They look at other, say good bye, and Piper has no choice but to abandon her again.

It's a tear to her body, however she copes. Because the promise of so many years is enough to keep her going.

**.**

**.**

**.**

_Pipes,_

_Unfortunately I can't write lengthy letters like you. I'm not good at this.  
><em>_I miss you._

_And I'm still saying __yes__. You're right: maybe the nest isn't such a terrible place._

_With love,_

_Alex_

**.**

**.**

**.**

**author's note**: I'm so happy you're all on board! Because I'm me, I find it very hard to avoid angst altogether. But, this is Vauseman and it will inevitably (har har) slip in occasionally, no matter how lighthearted the story is. Things will get easier for these two idiots when Alex is finally released, and I don't intend to make you wait long for that. Thank you, thank you for your wonderful reviews for the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed this one, too! By the way, I'm not sure how frequent my updates will be from now on. I have a lot of work, and deadlines are approaching for essays, but no matter how long the wait is, I'm not abandoning this or _Daniel_.


	3. Time

**.**

**.**

**.**

With Love  
><strong>3.<strong>

**.**

**.**

**.**

'Don't hang up.'

She smiles. Because she knows she's smiling too. They smile at their idiocy, their inseparable bond; their need to hear each other's voices. She has another hour, then her phone credit runs out. She can only talk for another hour, can only stand, phone pressed to her ear, silent, listening to Piper's soft breaths for another hour. The nice sort of silence which doesn't need to be filled with noise. Her favourite kind of silence. A silence with Piper is a peaceful retreat, a moment in her day when she can block out the noise of the inmates. Live.

Pressing her palm to the wall, Alex waits patiently for Piper to speak. She imagines her, seated on the window ledge. It's started to snow. It'll be Christmas soon. Their last Christmas apart, and she finds joy in that. Finally. _Finally, finally, finally_ one last winter without her. _Give me a year_. She doesn't have plans. Doesn't have maps. Doesn't have anything except the girl, and, really, that's all she's needed anyway. Really, _really really_, that is enough for her. Because she wants everything, and everything is her. At the end of the day, it truly is so simple.

They don't hang up. A CO is watching Alex from afar, tapping his shoe, growing impatient. Alex ignores him; the unnecessary detail. '_I miss you._' A temporary pause. Piper adds, '_A lot. I miss you a lot._' And Alex is glad she confesses, she's glad they've agreed to not hide secrets anymore. It's a challenge, especially for her, but she's trying, and if Piper is trying, then so can Alex. That is the least she can do. Because this will –– _this must_ –– work. They don't have a choice. They have each other. They need each other. They are essential to each other.

Alex's reply is predictable, but it's one Piper needs to hear nonetheless. 'I miss you as well.'

'_I got your letter._'

'Oh.'

'_I think you'll like the nest I've built for you. I think._'

'What have you done to the place?'

'_It's nothing like the estates you used to own._'

'Estates?' Alex grins. 'Yeah, I liked to decorate my home, but it wasn't an estate, Pipes.'

'_You mean "houses", right? You didn't just have one. Oh, and you decorated it with your wealth. You showed that off way too much. I think it's one reason Polly hated you so much._'

'Who?'

Piper laughs softly. Neither of them discuss the bad. They don't discuss Polly's betrayal with Piper's ex-fiancé, and they never mention the ex-fiancé in general. A lot of the bad is avoided. There isn't any bad now. Alex is teasing her, but there is sincerity, there is some form of endearment. She automatically sides with her when it comes to the affair, even if it's not in black and white.

They have to side with each other. There's no one else.

'_I want to get you out._'

'Believe me, kid, if I could cut my time, I would.'

A little quiet. Yet they focus on each other, and only each other. The sweet quiet. Hesitation. Where everything is confessed in a void of nothing. They can stay in silence forever. They have retired from the use of words. Piper inhales, '_This apartment is cold. The bed is cold. Before you say anything, yeah, I put on the heating, but it's–– it's not how I want it to be._'

'I wish I could help you out.'

'_What would you do?_'

It makes her heart flutter, imagining what she –– they –– would do. 'I'd, y'know, hold you. Sharing body heat is a great way to warm up.'

'_Uh huh._'

'Probably tell you to stay in bed with me all day every day.'

'_Really?_'

It's a joke. Sort of. Not really. Alex lowers her gaze. 'Waking up to you is what I look forward to the most.'

Piper says nothing for a while. Then, eventually, Alex's confession sinks in, and there's a moment in which she's giddy, she's smiling, and she's flattered, and then she realises _Alex never talks this way_. Alex realises her mistake pretty quickly as well. '_Urgh. That's disgusting. What is that prison doing to you?_'

'Your love letters are rubbing off on me.'

'_They're not love letters. They're letters._'

'Mm, yeah. Love letters.'

'_Believe what you want. If thinking they're love letters strokes your ego, then fine. I don't care._'

And suddenly she does think that –– she does think they are love letters, and she does think about waking up to Piper Chapman, and it's perfect and beautiful and _so close_. No more drugs, no more girls, no more lies. She thinks about how soft Piper's skin is beneath her palms, that little smile she pulls whenever they kiss, the potential dumb arguments they'll have over silly stuff. It's strange and normal and she kinda likes the idea.

'You do care.'

Alex fiddles with the phone wire. Piper replies, '_So do you_.' One of them smiles. '_How are the children who hold hands?_'

'Dire.' She sighs. 'I want to be with you.'

'_I want to be with you too_.' Piper hesitates. '_If you get lonely I'm sure you can... find somebody to keep your company._'

She still predicts the old traits. The Alex she first knew. She still worries, she still feels like she's walking on egg shells. 'I don't have anybody to keep me company.' Because there's no one else. There has been no one else since Piper. Over the past few years, there has only been her. Sex with anybody else is no longer appealing, and it's how it used to be –– Piper was (is) the centre. Every other girl was on the side. Irrelevant. Uninteresting. This is what it feels like to be in love. Where only _that_ person matters, where you only notice_ that_ person.

'_Don't hang up._'

'I'm not going anywhere.'

The fill of peace, of a nice silence. She can see her, holding the phone, staring into the distance, fingers brushing across the window. Shuddering in her freedom, waiting, _waiting for her to come back_. She can imagine herself coming over, wrapping her arms around her waist, and she can imagine her wide, toothy smirk, and this elation in her eyes. This element neither can obtain without the other. Something they call happiness.

Another smile. Alex sees her, and she is wonderful, as always.

'You still mine?'

A collapse in her armour. In her mask. The beauty beneath is only an image Piper has had the honour of witnessing.

'_Are **you** still mine?_'

They smile.  
>They smile at their idiocy. Their love.<p>

'I never wasn't.'

Piper exhales. Content. She knows, of course, but wants to hear Alex remind her. Again, again, again. _Tell me I'm yours and only yours_.

'_Ten months, Alex._'

'I know.'

Only ten more. Only ten more.

Alex swallows. Grips the phone tighter. By now, the CO has approached her, leaning against the wall, and he wants her to do the one thing she can't bear doing. But, it is only ten more months. Ten more months of visitation hours, of long, silent phone calls and letters written with ink and patience. '_I'm here._' And it's a reminder. Piper is here, Piper is here, and she's not walking away, she's not going to walk away.

**.**

**.**

**.**

_I'm still yours. I'll always be yours. I'm always your girl.  
><em>_With love,_

**.**

**.**

**.**

The last letter is sent. She meets her outside, and she looks normal: blonde, blue eyes, pale skin, black jeans, blue coat. She looks like Piper, and it's been ten months, and her time has come to an end. They hold each other, soft, gentle, and then a little tighter, a little squeeze just to make sure this is real. The sun has no power against the chilly atmosphere, but Piper's lips are warm when they kiss, and there's no lust, anger, hatred or bitterness.

It is a kiss, and it is what the sake of a kiss is. And it's one of many, many more.

Piper clings to her top, causes a slight crease in the material. The corner of her lips rise when Alex's thumb brushes against her cheek, and she remembers –– yes, this is right.

Finally. Finally they have all they need.

'Still mine?'

No longer a question, but a vow.

'Still yours.'

**.**

**.**

**.**


End file.
